Words of My Alienated Daughter.

Writing about this is literally the hardest thing in my entire life. I am actually lost talking about this still. It's been been 4 years since I first discovered her words.. I want to give voice to my daughter's own words who expresses "how the crowed watches in silence." And I break down. A world tried to stop it for her. A world tried tried to help me stop it for her. She goes on to write

"I tried to reach out for help,

But my cries were ignored,

So I hid behind my magic,

And kept my sadness stored.

In the end, all fades away,

No trace of what we've been,

And in the silence we lay,

Mere relics of a world that's been"

And I break down again. I am still trying to figure out what I am supposed to do, what I should do, what I shouldn't do or do not not have a right to do. I know she wants desperately to be heard. It's not that I know it... it's that she says that! She has half a dozen+ of writings talking about everything she went through and is still going through but has no idea that it is actually parental alienation she is experiencing and talking about. Her own words are actually word for word are words stated by World-Known PA Expert Karen Woodall cited here on She HAS a Mother. She desperately DESERVES to be heard! As a silenced Mother to hear the pleading begging cries to be heard and not to be then silenced... it devestates me to my core as this tiny girl was silenced and manipulated so brutely almost her entire childhood. I can only say that I believe that I am doing the right thing by letting this little girl's voice of mine been heard. As far as I've known since 2012 studying the World-Known Parental Alienation Experts there has never been an Adult Child's WORDS heard LIKE THIS. These are her words. I still do not know if me with saying HER WORDS on my site is wrong and I am invading her privacy or if I am giving her a voice to her words. I just really do not know. I know I am still trying to talk to her about her poems and she knows that back from when she was was actually "reading" my texts but haven't for the last 6 months. I am sure I totally fucked up everything with her for saying too long that I am going to talk to her about these poems and I took too long. It just took me too long. I am convinced that is why she refuses to read my texts anymore. It devastates me but at the same time I couldn't have done it any earlier than I am ready to do it... I just should had never jumped the gun trying to rush it because I so badly wanted to be ready to talk about it all to her and that was my was biggest mistake. I am extremely saddened that I have these mistakes. I go back to PAA and read this programs words. It helps. It brings right back to Step One. I am powerless. I am so powerless.

Regardless, the missing story to this piece about my daughter's words are that she was taken at age age 6-1/2 a little after 2 weeks after starting First Grade. It is very important to say that I had a chance at the end of her First Grade when she pull out of her desk giving me her First Grade Journal she wanted me to have (important). In grade school there were many issues with her principal and this court order parenting consultant refusing to give me her school records until I found out the federal law. Went on to be refused school nurse records/notes and the school's technician verified her records weren't delivered to my parental portal. BUT in her senior of of high school's creative writing class I was delivered her start to end 12th grade year long class assignment and final writings of about a dozen poems that devastated me and never made me prouder of her as THIS IS WHAT I TAUGHT MY LITTLE TO NEVER, NEVER, NEVER STOP saying your truth to everybody and every way you can until you are heard! I said that to her before she was even 4 years old and she was so traumatized by this father that I only could only believe she had been molested by a stranger and after time she was able to say that it was her dad telling her that Mommy was having psychotic mental episodes.IT'S SO HORRIFIC. I STILL BREAK DOWN.

I will share her artist statement. Everything else will be under the advisement of my therapist and my own advisement.I really do not know what to do and am looking at my new therapist to walk me through this. There is more I have to to add but I am trying to take this one step at a time.

Artist Statement

As an artist, I value creativity and the freedom to express myself in whatever way I see fit. I find inspiration in the world around me, especially in the people and experiences that have shaped my life and my perspective. I value the power of poetry to connect people and to bring them together in a shared experience that is specific to every person. I believe that art has the power to inspire, and to transform the world around me.

As a poet, I feel my role is to capture the beauty, the horror, the exhaustion, and complexity of life in a way that will resonate with others. I seek to illuminate the human experience in all its light and shadow, to explore the depths of the human heart and soul.

And in doing so, I hope to inspire others to see the world in a new light, to feel more deeply, and to connect more fully with the world around them.

My process of creating these poems was to first jot down all of my thoughts that I had during the days. I then listened to music and wrote down things that resonated with me, ideas, concepts, and words that I associated with those songs. After that I just started messing around with some ideas, usually writing the premise of the poem first, then diving deeper. I tend to write the first thing that comes to my head and then slowly edit it from there.

The poems that I wrote all have different premises that I wanted to be able to coexist and share a space. I wanted to make a bunch of contrasting pieces that alternated between light feelings and tones to dark ones. I wanted to show the “ying-yang” of life— the good and the bad. I wanted the contrast to be uncomfortable and uneasy.

Many things influenced my work. For my darker works, I mostly draw from personal experiences and my perspective on the world. For the lighter poems I tried to look at the world in a perspective that I used to have. One of a child who only sees the good.

I wanted to have opposites attract for this manuscript. I definitely draw a lot of inspiration from nature and also the idea of childhood and fairy tales.

I am very proud of my work. I only hope people feel the emotion and depth in what I was trying to portray.  I hope that people will take away from my poems the complexity of life. I want people to see and to feel the exhaustion that comes from being able to see so many perspectives of the world.