That's great that parental alienation, narcissistic abuse, generational PA trauma has finally been brought forward and is starting to actually be seen for the severe abuse it is, but sorry... it's too damn late. It's too late and it is nowhere at the same time. There is still nothing for an adult child that has been forced into a life that is not real. Except me... as her Mom. I have her. Always have... always will. Okay, this was a good talk.
I was transcended back in time to when my little innocent daughter hadn't known yet this morning at my gas station where I get my morning coffee. The cashier had just charged me for my coffee when this tiny little girl came up to me holding a popsicle and asked me, "What is your name?" in that must have for sure been a 3 year old such precious sqeeky so innocent sweet little voice and I said, "Well sweetie, my name is Kelly. What is your name?" She told me her name was Vivan. I said, "Are you getting a popsicle?" and she was so proud and so beyound excicted to tell me yes! And Vivian was my Madison when a popsicle was the most exciting thing in life and where she was so full of life and confidence that... that was how it should had always been.
So it's now 10:40 pm. This breaking down, this horrific crying. this grief... it needs to be done right now . It needs to be over. It's been almost 16 years and the pain never gets better. This liitle girl Vivian this morning litterally brought my daughter back to real life with that sweet innococent squeeky voice and I can't cry anymore. I miss her. I want her. I want to make it all okay for her.
My intentions where to use my website after more than 15 years with almost 100% of Karen Woodall's works to open up and I am again too disappointed mostly for my daughter but then for me with just trusting... I had my site since 2016 in other forms then but fast forward I know I had just reached out in a brand new way and I KNOW I will be back. I literally never go on social media and the only thing I could say is that for some reason i saw a notification from my grandma's church. Very wierd to me that I'm mentioning that on this post. But it's good.