Welcome to She HAS a Mother.
If you are an alienated parent feeling isolated and broken, you are not alone. I am glad you found my website. Trust me, YOU really aren't alone even though it feels like it. I say that not to just assure you but to remind myself. Parental Alienation is so suffocating and overwhelming that still after 15-1/2 years (2nd & successful attempt) of being alienated from my now 21-1/2 year old adult daughter and stepson nearing age 40 I still get speechless and have my grief breakdowns from the trauma of my children not being in my life and everything that happened to them, to me, to my family.
Point Blank... YOU didn't deserve this. Your KIDS certainly NEVER, NEVER, NEVER should have been EVER forced to be so cruelly abused by the hands of their own other parent FOR NO REASON! I am sorry this happened to you. To Your kids. To everyone in your life that this hell effected.
Listen. She HAS a Mother. is now 10 years old (5+ years after my daughter was taken). The one thing I can truthfully state is there are still no concrete answers how to stop alienation. There is no one answer how to get your kids back. But you can get your own life back. I know I still am always trying to continuously heal and grow. I know that starts with knowing I am still that person and Mother that I have always been.
It's been over 21 years of dealing with this and almost 16 years of being fully alienated from my daughter & stepson. I am still trying to come to terms with my own family's alienating behaviors. Alienation is a family disease and will get passed down from generation to generation if left unresolved. Though we may not be able to change the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.), we discover there is one person we can change – ourselves. By concentrating on healing ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically, we are acknowledging that we are important, lovable and that the work to heal the family system needs to start with us, the individual.
I still keep finding new and more healing opportunities. I know I will never give up hope that my daughter and stepson will find their way to come back home to me one day. I never give up hope to find healing with my family. I never give up wanting to live my live my life fully and be the happiest person and Mother I can be whether or not my daughter and stepson want to be in my life.
I hope you find the parental alienation resources here on She Has a Mother are helpful to you as they have been to me over the years. While all the World-Known PA Experts are important my site is geared towards the works of Karen Woodall. I have recently* moved to a new state and have been in a massive overhall of having to replace my new care team and professionals so I decided to start a new blog to go along with these new healing opprotunities.
I started this post with saying that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Do yourself the best thing to know THAT, to understand THAT and feel THAT with attending a Parental Alienation Anonymous Zoom Meeting. It's a community of other alienated parents and THEY UNDERSTAND... THEY ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH...I promise you that they will change your life.
PAA is not intended to get your kids back...
IT IS intended to GET YOUR LIFE BACK!
Basic Q&A’s About the Alienation
of my Daughter & Stepson
The courts & systems are another thing. My own family's alienating behavior are yet another thing.
When did my daughter's parental alienation start?
About my 6th month of pregnancy in 2004
At what age was my daughter actually taken?
My little girl was finally taken for good in this abusive father’s second and successful alienation attempt when she was only 6-1/2 years old back in 2011. Just 2 weeks after she started 1st Grade.
How old is she now?
My daughter is now an adult at 21-1/2 years old.
Do I get to see or talk to my daughter?
Since age 6-1/2 until she became an adult and aged out of the court system I only saw my little girl for a grand total of 92-1/2 "Supervised" HOURS. Those measly few SUPERVISED hours were ALL scattered in the first 3 years, w/weeks, months, 1-1/2 years in between. Then for the next 6-1/2+ YEARS I was refused to have any contact with her. Finally in Spring 2020 in a true miracle thanks to my therapist I got to see her for 50 minutes (w/2 therapists).
Since becoming an adult and because she is a actress I have had 2 miraculous encounters with her after her performances in these last 3 years. She has let see one of her instagram accounts since her senior year in high school. After she graduated I was able to get her cell number and text her every 1-2 weeks. Although she doesn't respond she was religiously "reading" my texts almost immediately up until these last 6 months and no longer "reads" them.
Do I have other children that are alienated from me?
Yes. I have a adult step-son (nearing age 40) who was in 8th grade when I became his step-mom. He was in college when my daughter was taken and also was instantly alienated at the same time. While my step-son also still remains alienated he is a public figure and an actor so he frequently Is featured through the different media platforms and so it feels like I at least get to see him that way. Since he was alienated I have seen many of his performances and had one fabulous personal run-in with him at a show but was many years ago. I only have access to his professional social media accounts and tried many many times to reach out to him but still have never received any responses.
What was the method of alienation this father used?
This father’s method of alienation and to get immediate full custody of my daughter has been to file false Order of Protections (OFPs) and has done so before my daughter was even 1-1/2 years old. On his second and successful attempt when she was 6-1/2 years old was filing his straight solid DECADE of overlapping, never-ending, continuous and repetitive false Orders of Protections, Harassment Orders and 8* attempted criminal charges with a bargain of successfully getting 2 frivolous criminal charges filed against me. NO, he did NOT act alone to make all of this possible.
What were the 2 criminal charges about?
Because he had Order of Protection(s) against me technically the 2 criminal charges were for violating Order of Protections. The 2 frivolous non-violent criminal charges that happened were because:
1.) Right after he took her I was in the hospital and I tried to call her. The early court order stated my rights saying I have rights to call my child. So, of course I called my child from my hospital bed. So, there was conflicting information with the early divorce court orders and that OFP court order that happened at the same time. I had every reason to believe I could call my daughter. Apparently I couldn't because I guess the OFP court order trumped the Divorce court order.
2.) That same year at Christmas time while he was still refusing to let me see my daughter and then on Christmas, so I had emailed my lawyer and CC'd his lawyer asking what was the plan for telling her about Santa Clause presents that first year. I received a reply back believing it was from his lawyer and automatically hit "send all" with my response back to both of our lawyers. What I didn't realize that HIS lawyer had added this father to my email conversation without my consent and without my knowledge so my reply didn't just get sent to BOTH OUR LAWYERS but it ALSO got sent to THIS FATHER. He instantly filed criminal charges.
WHAT kind of threats did this father make?
Much more information about this father's threats and promises will be discussed in my new blog while I am working with my new therapist still needing more healing around this subject.
I think these top 2 threats/promises can give you a base for an idea what kind of threats this father was making.
1.) In the 7th month of my pregnancy after finalizing some birth plans with my OB-GYN, I came home to excitedly announce to this father that I had decided to breast-feed my daughter. This father's narcissistic mask fell instantly and it was like turning a light switch on with the abusive controlling response of a complete total stranger and someone I had never met in my life. This was not the man I had married. Immediately he aggressively stated, "As of right now I AM IN CONTROL! I will make ever single decision WHAT you will do and WHAT will happen from THIS point on. You are sadly mistaken IF you think ANY of your plans to breast-feed will ever happen. If YOU ever dare to try to tell anyone what I say or do I will MAKE SURE that you are NEVER BELIEVED. IF you ever try to bring up or talk about what I have decided YOU will FIND OUT what happens!"
2.) 2 days before he took my daughter at age 6-1/2 by another false OFP, he violently abused me while she was still trapped in our blankets from the night before when she came downstairs where I had been staying to keep clear of him and she asked me if she could sleep on the couch with me because she missed me. The next day I told him, "THIS is done! We ARE getting a divorce because this child will NEVER see her own father ever get violent to her own Mother EVER AGAIN!!!" He came back with his threat and promise, "You will NEVER GET HER! You will merrily walk out of our lives and NEVER EXIST AGAIN just as if YOU NEVER EXISTED EVEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!"
Horrifically, word for word, threat for threat, promise for promise - it is over 21 years later, almost 16 years later AND it became true.
WHAT are THESE first couple FALSE OFPS ARE REALLY ABOUT?
Much more information about this father's abuse & false orders will be discussed in my new blog while I working with my therapist still needing more healing around this subject.
These first couple false Order of Protections were after he physically abused me and in order to not get caught he immediately filed his false Order of Protections claiming it was ME who ABUSED HIM. Then added his formula to get Ex-Parte OFPs and instant custody by also claiming that my daughter is terrified of me and thinks I want to KILL HER then also adding I was having MENTAL PSYCHOTIC EPISODES. This father's exact same formula was also constantly stated to police and used non-stop to the courts, court appointed professionals, her therapists, etc. I was literally always so instantly traumatized, beyond panic stricken, frozen and paralyzed in horrifying fear and am still.
As the years progressed, he stayed with this exact same formula but would then vary his extreme life dangerous false accusations that he needed to get his next new continuous overlapping OFPs, HROs, Criminal Charges continued before his previous orders expired and to get the new extreme level of the years and/or charges he was wanting. THAT went on for more than a solid decade until my daughter aged out of the court system. NO, he did not act alone for all of this to happen.
I've Mentioned this father did not act alone. what is that ABOUT?
Much more information about the courts and systems will be discussed in my new blog while I am working with my therapist still needing more healing around this subject.
One does not achieve this alone. In over a decade of Family Court not only was there zero testimony, zero cross-testimony, zero evidence, zero witnesses & zero investigations there was no custody hearing and complete refusal verbally and in court documents to state why I was refused all physical and legal custody and why I was only allowed 91-1/2 "supervised" hours with my daughter or why I had to be supervised. The injustice falls solely on the Head Judge who finally left our case after 7 years to become the next SUPREME COURT JUSTICE. Then it took 2 more Judges and the next 3 years to stop this father from filing anymore false orders and charges.
THE SENERITY PRAYER
God (your higher power). please grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change,
The courage that I can.
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
