Holly's Reunited Story & Post 6 Month
Holly's reunification story with her alienated daughter after 7 years of alienation and 8 months of complete silence has always reassured my thoughts, beliefs, constant preparing, planning & visioning that one hopeful day my own alienated daughter will come back home to me. Holly's words and actions perfectly align with my thought process and validate that I have always been right on track being an alienated Mother for 14 years only being allowed 92 hours with my alienated daughter.
Holly's ORIGINAL Coming Home STORY
Featured on Karen Woodall
https://karenwoodall.blog/2018/02/24/coming-home/
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To offset the negative, I also often receive positive comments and here this week I received one of the most wonderful comments. A comment to make my heart and yours, sing.
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To cheer us and encourage us, to underscore all that we say and do (at the Family Separation Clinic) and to keep your faith, hope and belief in the love that your child holds in their heart for you, with permission, I have reproduced the comment so that everyone can share.
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Go well in your world this weekend and tend to your heart and your soul. In the heart and soul of your alienated child, nothing, but nothing is forgotten.
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"In the heart and soul of your alienated child,
nothing, but nothing is forgotten."
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{HOLLY'S ORIGINAL STORY}
I have posted previously, sharing my experiences as an alienated parent. I am happy to now post as a reunified parent.
Just before her 18th birthday, my daughter who had completely stopped all communication with me, called me on the phone and with an uncertain, trembling voice asked if she could come stay with me. I answered “Of course. “
Her stepmom called me shortly thereafter and told me all sorts of rotten things about my daughter, saying she just wanted me to know ”what I was getting into.”
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My daughter returned. She was nervous at first. Neither knew what to expect. I was calm and told her I knew there was a lot to talk about but I also knew she was processing a lot, so just told her to come in and make herself at home and when she was ready we can talk.
Later that night she asked me to come speak with her. I let her talk.
She cried as she apologized for cutting contact with me. She told me she used to get reprimanded, belittled, and even punished for talking kindly of me or saying she wanted to contact me.
She said she’d been happy after the last time we spoke and immediately her stepmom got angry, calling her an ingrate and telling her she’d ruined all of their lives, including her stepsisters, because she was the reason they’d been to court so many times, and now she was reaching out to me anyway.
She said they made it clear she shouldn’t be talking to me so she stopped.
She then told me about years of manipulation and control by the stepmom.
How the stepmom told her she was horrible and she didn’t want to be her mom.
How the stepmom accused her of illicit behaviors my daughter had never been involved in.
How her stepmom spied on her and her stepsister through their bedroom windows at night.
How stepmom ransacked her room, upturning the mattress, dumping dresser drawers, tossing clothes from the closet, and sweeping all items from countertops to the point of breaking things, all to see if she would catch my daughter doing something wrong. She didn’t find anything.
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My daughter said at that point she told her stepmom she wanted to leave. Her stepmom replied with a sneer “And where do you think you’ll go? Your mom won’t want you back after everything that’s happened !” My daughter replied “You’re wrong. I already called her and asked if I could go and she said yes.” Stepmom went into a rage and told her she had an hour to remove all her belongings from the house. She shut off my daughter’s phone, and then called me to tell me horrible things about my daughter, insinuating she was sleeping around and doing drugs.
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None of that mattered to me. If my daughter needed help, I’d be there to see she got it.
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I welcomed her back. I half expected her to come in the door with track marks, crazy dyed hair, piercings and tattoos, and be 6 months pregnant. Nope. Just my same beautiful girl, clearly shaken by the upheaval in her life, walked through my door.
Everything stepmom said was lies. Apparently she told my daughter as she left “I’m calling your mom and she won’t want you after I get through!” My daughter sobbed as she recounted those words saying she was so nervous that I would believe the awful things her stepmom said and wouldn’t want her back.
I told her “your stepmom clearly doesn’t know me if she thinks that’s all it would take.”
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I let her know that I understood this was all a lot to process. That she didn’t have to “unpack” it all now, and that I’d be here whenever she wanted to talk.
I also told her that for all her many faults, her stepmom was trying to parent in the way she knew how. It was not my way, and I don’t condone the actions, but I told my daughter if she harbored hate for her dad (who she called a coward because when she turned to him he told her he’d always side with stepmom) or her stepmom, it would be worse for her than being at peace with understanding who they are.
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Of course, I wanted to badmouth them. My stomach was churning as she spoke. But I didn’t, knowing that while it would make me feel good, it wasn’t in her best interest.
For years I’ve held steady, absorbing the pains and frustrations of alienation, relying on ambivalence as much as I could muster.
Now, at the moment of reunification, I dug deep to find it again.
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My daughter has been home three months now. She is happy, chatty, and warm. She confides in me about everything, checks in with me multiple times a day, and told me she sleeps soundly now whereas she hadn’t slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night in months prior to leaving her dads home.
She still hasn’t said “I love you” to me. I talked about it with her one night when she began the conversation. I told her I know she was conditioned to withdraw and feel mixed negative emotions when I said “I love you” to her. She confirmed it was true.
She said she’d just taken a psychology course, and recognized that her disgust at hearing me say “I love you” was a conditioned response.
I let her know I understood. It took years to ingrain it in her and would take a while before it left her. But, if it was ok with her, I was still going to say it occasionally to her, because it was true and my heart was so happy to have her near.
I also told her I didn’t expect her to reply with “I love you” back, and that I never wished for anyone to say that unless they truly felt it. She thanked me for understanding.
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I tell her I love her about once a week or so. She is growing more accustomed to hearing it, and accepting it. And she hugs me. Genuinely. We have come a long way from the young girl who flinched away if I touched her and screamed that she hated me.
Patience and ambivalence are my longtime companions. I can wait for the day, which I am now certain will come eventually, when she says “I love you too, Mom.”
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……………………(words to Karen) In the wee dark hours, lost and forlorn, struggling through the hopeless dysfunction of alienation year after year, you and your blog were a source of hope and understanding, as well as a toolbox that I could turn to for help.
We have never met, and yet you were one of the most powerful forces on my journey. You gave me strength and hope and guidance. Your experiences, shared for all the world to see, were often my only navigation system through the thick muck and deep, murky waters of alienation.
I never had the financial means to hire local counselors whose expertise is treating targeted parents. And yet, there I was, able to turn to one of the world’s leading experts for help. I was not abandoned. I was not alone. Nor were the thousands of other struggling alienated parents across the globe. Someone cared enough about us to help. YOU cared. Without any personal gain, and often at the risk of facing backlash, you reached out to us through your blog and offered your wisdom, advice, concern, and cautions. You continue to guide us through our worst days and prepare us for the best yet to come.
I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me and my family. We may never meet, but you will always have a special place in my heart.
Much love from California!
Holly
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(back to Karen....)
For all others who may be reading this: hold tight to the belief that one day you will have your own happy ending. Keep hope alive. And in the meantime, be kind to yourselves. You have been through so much. Live as fully as you can, as happily as you can, until that missing piece falls into place. You will be all the better for it when that time does come.
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Go where the love flows​
Go where the heart is held in gentle hands​
Be with your peace in an ambivalent world and do not let what has been done to your child corrupt your soul.​
Stay true to who you are and become one of the giants who walk amongst us.
~Karen Woodall
Holly's Month Post- Reunification update
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Holly was asked to provide further updates on how her reunification was going with her daughter who had been alienated for 7 years (8 months of silence) and in the comments sections of Karen's article entitled "2018 Homecoming: The Paths & Pitfalls of Reunification With Lost Loved Ones"
Holly posted this POST-REUNIFICATION UPDATE
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{HOLLY'S 6-Month POST-REUNIFICATION UPDATE}
Holly
19 May 2018
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Hi Karen-
Touching base again at 6 months post-reunification. To recap: my daughter suddenly returned home to me last November after approximately 7 years of alienation and 8 months of complete silence. You were kind enough to post our reunification story as an article on your blog a few months ago, and asked that I give updates now and again. I thought the comment section of this article was a fitting place for an update.
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After her return, I gave my daughter space to “unpack” what she had been through and told her there was no rush to discuss it and sort it all out. I told her I knew it was overwhelming… re-evaluating what she was told for years and what she thought she knew, analyzing everything through fresh eyes, seeing a bigger picture version of her former microcosm world. I explained she would probably be unpacking things for years and that’s okay, and even to be expected. It’s a lot to process, and it will all happen in due time.
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After our first conversation the night of her return, touching on things that had happened recently on her end to prompt her move, we touched a little on our dynamic and incidents in the past before she told me she didn’t really want to talk about the past anymore. She asked if we could just move forward. I told her that was fine, but if she ever did want to talk, I’m here. Since then we’ve had multiple in-depth conversations, all initiated by her. I let her approach the topics, and I answer her honestly when she does.
We’ve learned a lot about each other. She said she doesn’t remember a lot about specific incidents involving me, that she must’ve blocked them out. I told her that was probably for the best. She got tears in her eyes and told me she was sorry for everything she may have done that hurt me. I thanked her… it was truly touching… but told her there was no need to apologize. She was a victim as much as I was. She and her brother were manipulated and were pawns as much as I was. I told her that if she felt the need to apologize to me then I should apologize too, for not having been able to stop it and protect her and her brother from what happened.
I told her that in truth neither of us owed apologies, we were both pawns of a dysfunctional dynamic, and that I don’t blame her or her brother for anything. It was a cathartic conversation for us both.
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In the beginning, she was hesitant with me. After a few weeks, she confided that she’d been initially nervous for multiple reasons. For one, her stepmom told her before she left “Your mom won’t want you back after everything that’s happened.” And after my daughter replied that I’d already said she could come home, stepmom said she’d call me and tell me horrible things so I wouldn’t want her. My daughter cried as she recounted this and said she was so afraid I’d reject her after her stepmom called. I reassured her that her stepmom clearly doesn’t know me if she thinks that’s all it would take.
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My daughter was a month away from her 18th birthday when she left her dad’s house. The catalyst was her stepmom’s controlling, erratic, and harsh behavior. Among other things, my daughter said stepmom accused my daughter & her own 18 year old daughter of things that hadn’t happened. Forced them to apologize for damage to things the stepmom damaged. Spied on the girls through their bedroom windows, and ransacked the girls’ rooms—emptying drawers, clearing countertops, turning over mattresses, leaving clothes and possessions in a heap in the middle of the floor “looking for evidence” of wrongdoing.
She found nothing. Stepmom grounded them for a month, saying they wouldn’t even be allowed to go to school because the girls took a stroll to look in store windows after breakfast one day. Stepmom told them they had permission to have breakfast but not to walk around, and since they hadn’t asked first they’d be grounded to teach them they aren’t to assume they can just do what they want. They protested, so stepmom ended up kicking her own daughter out and told my daughter she couldn’t leave the house until she turned 18, four weeks away.
My daughter told her stepmom she was going to move out, and stepmom went into the verbal tirade above saying "she’d make sure I didn’t want her back." Stepmom called and told me the girls had been doing drugs and drinking and being promiscuous. It was all lies (my daughter admitted she had tried alcohol twice at friends’ homes but had never even been to a party, and hadn’t yet even held a boy’s hand or been on a date because stepmom was so controlling they weren’t really allowed to spend time with boys without stepmom in the room.)
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My daughter said that before leaving she asked her dad why he let stepmom treat her and her brother the way she did (belittling them, making unreasonable demands, doling out severe punishment that outweighed minor wrongs, name-calling, etc). Her dad responded that he stood by everything stepmom did. When my daughter left in tears she told her dad “I love you.” He just said “good luck” and shut the door on her.
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In the few weeks after leaving, my daughter was contacted by her stepmom who continued to berate her via text message. My daughter is in college and found out that her stepmom had cleaned out her financial aid account, approximately $4,000. Stepmom told my daughter that the money was used to cover living expenses while my daughter lived with them.
She told my daughter that my daughter had a big ego if she thought there wouldn’t be consequences for her actions. My daughter replied: so you’re stealing my financial aid?? Stepmom said if my daughter hadn’t defied her she’d still have her money.
Unfortunately, because my daughter was a minor, law enforcement said her parent was technically allowed to take the money, so they wouldn’t pursue it. My daughter had to pay for college books out of her own pocket when school started back up.
The last text my daughter received from her stepmom was after my daughter turned 18. Stepmom said that now there are no more financial ties, my daughter shouldn’t contact her again. If she needs to talk to someone she can call her dad.
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I told my daughter that I understood that reading that hurt her. I told her it was ok to recognize that stepmom has issues but that she also meant something to my daughter for a number of years. I told my daughter that the best-case scenario is for her to see that there was still some good mixed in with the bad, such as trips they took and experiences she had, and it was important to acknowledge that part too.
I told her that seeing her stepmom for what she was without hating her, and doing the same for her dad whom she now calls a coward for not having defended her, was in her own best interest.
I told her that distancing herself from them now, in these early stages, was probably for the best (especially since they continue to talk badly about her and me). But that in time I hoped she could see them objectively without hatred, not because I care about them but because I care about HER and harboring hatred for them will hurt her in the long run.
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Here are a few specifically notable things that have happened since her return:
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we’ve had deep conversations about things that transpired. I’ve told her it’s important to think of everyone in terms of shades rather than absolutes;
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she sleeps well. She told me she hadn’t slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night for months at her dad’s house. She rests easily now and told me it feels like a huge weight off her shoulders;
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she’s kind to me. She will bring me little gifts now and again saying she thought of me that day, and we talk every single day, even when our work schedules conflict;
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for Mother’s Day, she asked if I’d spend the day with her. What was for years a sad occasion for me was wonderful this year as I went to breakfast with both my son (who is still at his dad’s house) and my daughter, and then my daughter treated me to a hot tub soak with her at a spa followed by mom/daughter massages. It was amazing!
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and the biggest milestone: last month, for the first time in about 8 years, my daughter said “I love you” to me. And yes, I got tears in my eyes.
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One important thing about our reunification is that we’ve agreed not to dwell on missed time or imagined missed opportunities.
It’s nice to imagine all sorts of glorious and ideal “could have been” mother/daughter moments we’d have shared if we had been close all those years. But that’s just fantasy and a form of mental torture for us both.
The truth is we may just as easily have gotten into a fatal car accident while I was taking her to a sports lesson in a variant past. We don’t know what alternate pasts may have held for us, but it’s equally likely they would have been bad just as they would’ve been good.
What we can say for certain is that the real past led us here, to this moment where we are living happily together.
It was a hard road, but if any of it had been different or had gone another way, there’s no saying we’d be here now.
And now is good. She is happy, healthy, doing well in school and in her new job, and she chats with me daily, texting and calling just to share little moments in her day with me. She is relaxed and silly and at ease, and a joy to be around.
And as for me, my heart is truly happy.
COMMENTS
​17 May 2018
A very powerful piece Karen. Thank you. For me, so much time has gone by, my teenage daughters are now 19 and 22 – one even a college graduate (yes, I was deliberately excluded). Who are they now? In my mind they are still 13 and 15, daughters who still spoke to me, who were part of the family I had always dreamed of. Who are they now? Blocked on their phones, I have not seen them nor heard their voices in almost two years. Who are they now?
I read your words and nod in understanding. While I want nothing more than to “have them back”, I wonder – Who are they now?
Oh, this is such a cruel thing, this alienation. The cruelest
17 May 2018
This was so helpful to me Karen. I recently had dinner with my daughter, alienated for 6 and a half years. It was wonderful and everything I could want. I could not understand why I didn’t feel elated afterward and in fact, depressed. Now I understand. Thank you! Lynne
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Karen Woodall
17, May 2018
so much to process Lynne, there is a need to actively embrace the feelings and allow the relational system to live again. Much to mourn in the loss of six and a half years and that must be done before the joy of what lies ahead can be fully embraced. All work which is vital in this process and which is much misunderstood and unknown. I will write some more, it is part of my thinking in my research work and a growing need in terms of clinical work too. Sending support to you K
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18 May 2018
Time does not stand still……the children you once knew are now adults, the parent you once were has changed as you have had to find an accommodation with your loss…… memories abound on both sides of who each once was…….but who are we now? For it is in the scenario of who we are now that reunification must take place ……now strangers who once shared a past……. old wounds repened and old hurts live again…..anyone who can navigate through this maelstrom successfully…… I salute you.
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19 May 2018
Be brave, take the plunge and commit. Try to understand the walls that have kept you apart not through what your Ex may or may not have done but what was missing. Because you can use this new opportunity to fill that void (what’s missing), with good things helping to form healthy ties in this present moment and new opportunity that you have created. Don’t use your non-invitation to the graduation ceremony to not go; to remain as one who is separate and is cast aside. Go to the ceremony and smile, be proud, act as if you are what you want to be. Behave as you would like to be seen.
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20 May 2018
Holly – thank you for sharing – a pleasure, albeit with some sadness, to read– the pleasure is easy, and I wish you and your daughter a long straight road ahead – it sounds like you’re doing a great job of building her resilience by not encouraging her to use swap one alienated parent for another– the sadness is because there is no wicked stepmother in my story – well, I’m the stepmother, and definitely have been denounced as wicked, but what I mean is there isn’t anyone in my stepsons daily direct-contact life, apart from his mother and grandmother, so if he wants to kick against anyone it will have to be his own flesh and blood, and that seems 100 times harder than some malevolent external force, paired with a weak natural parent.Like Cara above, my stepson seems totally enmeshed still, and will be 18 later this year, with no signs, that we can see, of any interest in changing the status quo. There are lots of people around him it seems who have a strong vested interest in keeping him where he is, whether at school, or physically, so until he realises he’s trapped behind briars, even though from his side it maybe looks like a rose garden, this particular sleeping prince (ok i’m stretching the metaphor now!) will stay where he is until something pricks his finger to start waking him up.
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20 May 2018
Thanks for sharing your story, Holly – both uplifting and informative.
Also, a true inspiration in relation to prioritizing the needs of your children over other matters and making the return journey home as easy as possible for them both. Retaining your sense of perspective seems to have helped enormously.
What better role-model could they have as they recover from their past experiences?
All the best
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21 May 2018
Well done Holly and thank you for explaining your thought processes and actions, very helpful and constructive.
You are performing an emotional rescue in difficult circumstances. On the other side of the wall you have Dad (seemingly dormant of emotional intelligence perhaps ensnared by his new wife’s control mechanisms) and a stepmom who parents in an authoritarian and controlling manner. Whilst authoritarian style parenting is commonplace, in these circumstances where your daughter is caught being asked to make choices about which parent she should follow, you have released her into a world of ambivalence.
Before she was a bird with her wings clipped, and grounded, now she soars freely in the open skies. You have gifted her ambivalence. You haven’t pushed her or created a rule book, you have patiently listened and waited and soothed. You have described a different world where you have adopted a healthy parenting role and made a safe emotional haven for her.
You have the gift of empathy. Like Karen does, you walk in your child’s shoes and understand their feelings, and their experience.
You don’t hold grudges. You look at disagreeable behaviors and try to understand where they came from.
You leave the horrors of the past in your wake, making present moments good ones. (A huge magnificent undertaking)
The doors of perception remain open, the windows to the past are just that, windows to the past and no more, you strengthen your connections with your daughter by your willingness to listen to her, to be emotionally available.
You are not caught up in what is right and what is wrong, what is justice and what is not. You have an unerring respect for opinions and move gracefully on healing and protecting and allowing your children to breathe, to grow, to develop into rounded caring individuals. You nurture trust and understanding, building resilience into your child’s life, boosting self-confidence and self-esteem.
Thank you for sharing your gift. You made me cry, toward the end the words became so fuzzy I had to stop reading….
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21 May 2018 HOLLY'S REPLY
Thank you for all of your kind words and well wishes, everyone. I truly appreciate them!
sadsam: I had varying amounts of court-ordered contact with my children over the years. When they turned 16 the court allowed them to choose how to divide their time. My son, now 20, has only spent one night in my home since then (that happened 2 weeks ago!!! Another amazing milestone, and more hope that things are slowly progressing with him as well!!) And my daughter had cut all communication with me for the 8 months prior to her return. But even with court-ordered time, I was still an alienated parent, deemed by multiple counselors who met with us over the years as “moderate-to-severe alienation.” My daughter would flinch from me if I touched her; my son withdrew to his room and told me he didn’t consider me to be his mother, because he only needed one mother and that was now his stepmom; my daughter told me she hated me and couldn’t wait until she was old enough to leave and not be forced to ever see me again; my son said I was a liar and when asked what I lie about he’d say “she knows” without further explanation; my daughter told counselors she made up lies about me to friends and their parents and told them she hated me so none of them would like me. And in the meantime their dad and stepmom had taken to referring to stepmom as Mom and encouraged the kids to do the same. On school paperwork she listed herself as their mom and scribbled my name/phone in a margin without identifying my relationship to the kids, and told people they met that she was their mom so when I met people they’d correct me and say “you mean you’re their stepmom?” I had to prove to one school I was their biological mom by producing a birth certificate and court documents showing we had joint custody because I wasn’t listed in any of the paperwork stepmom had completed, listing only her and my ex-husband as the children’s parents, something my children went along with. This post is already growing long and those instances merely scratch the surface, but give an idea of what our relationship was for those years. So yes I had contact but it was very difficult and strained contact.
Now that my daughter is back home with me, she confirmed that they got punished, subtly and overtly, for showing me affection or speaking kindly of me. They were called ingrates, had their phones taken away, were denied participation in family activities, and were told that if they ever talk to me about anything that happens in that house, no matter how small, they won’t be considered family and won’t be welcome in that home. So they shut down and obeyed. If asked by me, my friends, or anyone in my circle any benign questions about school, friends, summer plans, etc, they’d reply with “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember.” To clarify my understanding (and that of multiple counselors we saw over the years): Alienation doesn’t necessarily mean a complete lack of contact. Different experts have different definitions of alienation, but the primary factor is the unwarranted rejection of one parent (the “unwarranted” element is key).
CG- hold tight to hope! There were so many dark days in my past, so many times it seemed I’d never find my way out of the Rabbit Hole, the upside down world where nothing made sense. I was nearly beyond hoping for reunification anytime soon… I had begun accepting that if in the future I could have a relationship with my grandchildren, then that would be enough. I was resigned to the idea that I probably wouldn’t hear from my daughter for years. Then, suddenly, after months of silence, without any warning: my daughter’s trembling voice on the phone, nervously asking “Mom… can I come stay with you?” It can happen at any moment. Really! So continue to be hopeful. Continue live and take care of yourself. Whether days from now or 10 years from now, you’ll need to be your best you when your moment of reunification comes.
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23 May 2018
“……It can happen at any moment. Really! So continue to be hopeful. Continue live and take care of yourself. Whether days from now or 10 years from now, you’ll need to be your best you when your moment of reunification comes.”
I absolutely love this, Holly – thoughts I’ve hung on to for 17 years and, more importantly, have driven me the entire time. To hear them echoed by someone who’s trodden that lonely, uncertain road is (for me) a welcome validation of holding tight to the above.
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10 Jun 2018
August 2014–it only took 3 days of brainwashing and promises to my two teen sons and they became abusive, vulgar, mom haters. I was stunned as I had been their primary caretaker their entire lives, then a contentious divorce in which we both agreed…until we went to a mediator and my husband was told about splitting assets. After working with children most my life and obtaining s degree in education, a Protection from Abuse Order was placed on me mere days after that first mediators meeting, a meeting my husband stormed out of in rage. The PFA was quickly overturned, yet my sons were gone as I had known them…forever.
In 2016, when I’d given in to accepting there was nothing more I could do…my then 15 was rejected by my ex-husband. I was shocked, as though the dead had risen. My dream came true, yet I felt afraid and triggered. My son refused 100% loyalty to his dad and was discarded.
Now it is June 2018. I’d accepted my now 20 year old was a “lost cause”. Yet last Sunday I received a message….he was being ignored by his father. This is his third night in my home! The blog entry about reunification leading to uncomfortable feelings was a blessing, I feel guilty because my still alienated friends mourn…yet I’m going through a stage of mistrust, who are you, someone I had compartmentalized and put away to move on with life (finally), has now appeared and I’ve not processed the grief of losing him nor his rebirth in my life.
When communication was practically nothing, and abusive at best, after I’d accepted not being “the mom” any longer…they both are back.
My heart always knew the truth, yet my head wanted to blame myself as they did…although I never had an idea to fix it.
Lies have speed…truth has ENDURANCE!
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11 Jun 2018
Dear Karen,
This post is so useful as I have found out I will see my daughter (19) this weekend, for the first time (apart from at a distance, hiding) in 3 and 1/2 years.
I needed to check the psychology because since knowing it is going to occur I have been excessively emotional and tearful. I am struggling to know how I will keep these feelings in check. But, I at least know they are standard.
The event is my father’s birthday (a significant one) and there will only be 20 people there so in theory it will be difficult for her to avoid me.
Holly, your description of the reconciliation with your daughter sounds like the way I would hope it will go with mine. I want to support her, not direct blame anywhere. I want it to be the beginning of our future not just a patch on the daily pain. Which doesn’t get better.
Whether I will achieve this is one dimension; how her father will react before, during and after is another. I know from her brother he (dad) still justifies his parenting based on his feelings towards me. My son (21) and I have a good relationship until discussing the family when his level of enmeshment becomes apparent. (He believes his father’s version of events is accurate…)
I don’t think luck is what I need but a full scoop of positive thoughts and some sunshine on the day!!
You have just started your retreat for alienated mothers, I hope it is a fulfilling and supportive week for you all.
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15 July 2018 SHE HAS A MOTHER
Karen your post gave my mind a break and at least a tiny new thing to focus on and holly your words and story were helpful words that gave me reassurance of who I am as a mother in so much hope my daughter ever comes back home to me and I need so much hope to hang on. And hearing others who had their children return too. I just have nowhere to turn to anymore and can’t find anything to hold on to while I wait for my own little girl to find to way back to me. THIS time has been another 4 years with more complete silence. The prior and first 3 years we were only allowed 90-1/2 hours together where there was another 1-1/2 years of complete silence also in those early years. But the alienation has gone on since being 7 months pregnant. I just don’t know how to get through this anymore.
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16 jUL 2018 SHE HAS A MOTHER REBLOGGED useful words when reunited again
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