Mother Rabbit

It makes perfect sense that 3+years ago when I started discovering my daughter's poems as a senior in high school that the amount of pain in her words has taken me all these years to go over and over until I could read her pain without horribly breaking down (and yet, right now I am right back to breaking down) and it was my soul that literally has tried to carry every single ounce of all her pain, anger, sorrow, loss and everything she never had to go through to and attempt to absorb her everything into me and just make it all stop and go away and so she should can be better and just heal. It was reading her direct poem about me (Mother Rabbit) that was the first poem of hers that I concentrated on because all her other poems was indirectly related to me and everything else that she went/going through almost her entire childhood after age 6 with me completely erased out of life except 92 hours. I fought for her life with my life as did a world but so horrifically her words in her dark poems are so sadly what no one could stop. THAT is/has/was so extremely much harder for me to process as her Mother what she was going through than WHAT she came to believe who I am... who I was... who she so sadly doesn't remember and now believes THIS IS HER MOMMY. THIS poem "Mother Rabbit" is who who she 100% now and has for a very long time believes who I am as her Mommy. It's so incredibly devastating. All of it so devastating. While I know almost the 360 degree universe what almost all her poems consist of by her words, the events, the decades, PA Experts matching her very specific words to their words about alienated children and HER World DESCRIBED by HER SAME WORDS... these other poems was/is more painful in the long run and in the end. Her Mother Rabbit poem is almost entirely 98% of me not having any understanding or any clue what she is writing about or why she believes what she feels except for the one line in her poem. "All because she couldn't handle the responsibility." The word RESPONSIBILTY is one out of 6-7 parroted words taught and brainwashed to her weaponized in a very specific smear campaign used through a decade of the courts.

I knew this was going to take a long time to go through everything and while the most important thing to do in my life and my daughter's life is to fully go through everyone of my daughter's poems.

I haven't even gotten to her poem Mother Rabbit yet. And that's okay. I really didn't need to hysterically cry. That's stupid I just said THAT. Because I NEED to cry as much I need to.

I KNOW this The day he took her I had no idea what to do and the the only thing I could think of was go to the Mall of America and bought 2 Christmas tree ornaments and 2 cards... One said this:

The other said, "IF YOU'RE STILL GOING THROUGH HELL...KEEP GOING". While I took that one done, the one above is still up in my home.

I still have a really hard time saying, now expressing what I WENT THROUGH. The pain with me losing my baby girl. For over a decade in this joke of these courts that put through my daughter through this... knowingly through their entire game... this father knowingly with no care what this innocent little child went through just to make this look legal. Anytime I tried to stand up for myself in court they would keep her and take her for even longer. SheHASaMother has been MY WEBSITE for MY HEALING and for MY PAIN since 2016 and I still fear talking about how I HURT! And I have a lot of guilt about thinking of me in any of this. If I didn't say I certainly mattered as her Mother it could had been different. I try to not go there because I know how very much I mattered as a person, a Mother and a human being.

I AM PAUSING WITH THIS RIGHT HERE BECAUthe couple of last hours. SE I NEED TO TALK TO MY THERAPIST.

Mother Rabbit

Mother rabbits eat their young

When they sense danger

Or when they cannot provide

For their litter anymore.

My mother didn't eat me

In the literal sense

But she consumed me

In other ways.

She devoured my dreams

Tore apart my aspirations

And chewed on my self-worth

Until there was nothing left.

She feasted on my potential

Until it was just a memory

And swallowed my confidence

Leaving me empty.

I was once her precious creation

But now I am just a shell,

A hollow carcass of who I could have been

All because she couldn't handle the responsibility.

Like the mother rabbit,

She saw me as a threat

To her own security and comfort

So she devoured me whole.

The wounds still remain

Raw and bleeding, never quite healing

The pain lingers on, a constant reminder

Of what was lost, of what was taken away.

And though I try to move on

To let go of the hurt and the anger,

The memories of her devouring me

Haunt me still, in the darkest hours of the night.

For even though I have rebuilt myself

And forged a new path, a new life,

The scars of her consumption remain

A testament to the sorrow and the loss.

So I mourn the person I could have been

The life that could have been mine,

And I grieve for the mother who devoured me

Leaving nothing but sadness and regret behind.