It's been 1-1/2 months since she blocked me and things have emotionally shifted a bit.

So, things have emotionally shifted since my daughter also blocked me on her Instagram. I am in a better head-space than I was for the first month after it happened. While I still don't exactly know for sure the full direction I am heading, I know a few certain things I can say and talk about.

ABOUT HOPE.

After getting blocked, I definitely and instantly lost all complete hope that my daughter would ever come back home to me. I totally lost all hope that I would ever get a chance again to make it all better for her and to repair our relationship in any possible way. I mean even in these last 15 years of her alienation except for 91-1/2 supervised hours, since the age of 6-18, I at least knew where she lived because I had to pay child support and he continued to come after me so at least I knew basically one thing… being that she was with him. After high school I had absolutely no clue where she was but she was reading my texts AND I found out from her instagram about her musical performances at age 19 & 20 was placing her still being in the area and got to see her performing and met with her a couple of minutes. I again knew where she was generally located. Those things gave me security and gave me hope. While I still had really no information I had hope minus the 7 darkest years where I knew no information but still I was paying child support so I knew she was with him. So when she blocked me again and for the first time ever I had nothing to go to for any kind of hope there is no doubt why I was left with NO HOPE! I stayed in that horror for the first month… but at the same time and for the first time in all these years, there was some active and productive healing with my own immediate family especially with my mom and identical twin sister. THAT healing that occurred with having contact with the immediate family that I really had no hope anymore with them, sorta slightly took my mind off of losing all hope with my daughter and the thoughts about having hope when there was none with this family kinda just spilled right back onto my daughter and just something really shifted in me… I know I’m kinda measuring the years of always hope with my daughter being in measurement of this new lost hope for that first month just mathicmatly doesn’t add up or compare to how I always held on to hope for more than 1-1/2 decades to just even possibly then lose all hope for a month.

ABOUT TAKING A BREAK.

ABOUT MY THERAPEUTIC HEALING DIRECTIONS.

ABOUT MY PERSONAL NEEDS AND DIRECTION.

FINISH LATER