This little tiny girl at the gas station this morning.

I was transcended back in time to when my little innocent daughter hadn't known yet this morning at my gas station where I get my morning coffee. The cashier had just charged me for my coffee when this tiny little girl came up to me holding a popsicle and asked me, "What is your name?" in that must have for sure been a 3 year old such precious sqeeky so innocent sweet little voice and I said, "Well sweetie, my name is Kelly. What is your name?" She told me her name was Vivan. I said, "Are you getting a popsicle?" and she was so proud and so beyound excicted to tell me yes! And Vivian was my Madison when a popsicle was the most exciting thing in life and where she was so full of life and confidence that... that was how it should had always been.

So it's now 10:40 pm. This breaking down, this horrific crying. this grief... it needs to be done right now . It needs to be over. It's been almost 16 years and the pain never gets better. This liitle girl Vivian this morning litterally brought my daughter back to real life with that sweet innococent squeeky voice and I can't cry anymore. I miss her. I want her. I want to make it all okay for her.